Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday the 13th

I was talking to my mom on the phone yesterday and she was telling me how the rest of my family had dreamed about my Aunt Sandra Kaye who died several years ago from breast cancer and she was asking if i had. I do catch myself from time to time, and actually more often than i'd guess, just sitting and thinking about her for 10 minutes or so, but i've never dreamed about her, that i can recall.

My mom then said how my dad had been missing his mom lately, as she's been dead a couple years now as well. We started talking about my dad's parents in dreams we'd had over the past and i realized i'd never had a pleasant dream about my Mema and Papa, and I never got the chance to met my mom's parents. Then my mom told me about the dream she'd had 2 nights ago about Mema and Papa. She walked into their old house and Papa was sitting on the floor not moving or acknowledging anything really. He was always very easy going, relaxed and let Mema take care of him. Beside him, Mema was on the floor and up against the wall scratching it wildly talking nonsense. She then turned and looked at my mom with crazy eyes and then my mom woke up.

I told her the dream made me think it was the last impression that dad's parents left on her before they died; kind of an accumulation of who they were and how they acted.

Last night i dreamed about Mema and Papa:

The dream seemed to start all of a sudden, as if a channel was turned on and i happened to be staring right at the television. And oddly enough, the dream started out on a television. i just didn't realize it at first. All i saw was a close-up of my grandmother's face. She looked unhappy. Kind of like the way she looked for the last 7 years of her life. Smiles were forced, unless drug induced by her medication, she didn't care about anything anybody was doing with their lives and all she could see was the darkness she worked herself into. Which she did just as she said she would, right after her husband died.

So i'm looking at her face and i feel pity for her. Then the camera backs away and i can see she's on the set of The Price is Right. She's a contestant but isn't acting like it. She seems totally out of place and depressed and as if her surroundings at the moment don't exist her for. Then from behind the red curtain, Papa rolls out in a electric wheelchair, although he never had one of those. I haven't seen my grandfather in a dream since he died over 10 years ago, so when i realized it was him my heart stopped and my whole body felt heavy. My mind was convinced he was back and i was catching this all on television. I yelled for my roommate to come in the room. I said, 'James, come and look at this. You have about 2 seconds.' I remembered getting kind of agitated that he wasn't coming to see because this was like a once in a life time moment or something; seeing my grandparents who i believed to be dead, on The Price is Right. (albeit, i say that game show because it had that atmosphere, but none of the props or key people in the show).

So Papa rolls his wheelchair to the microphone at the podium and starts speaking. There was no volume to his voice and i couldn't hear anything he was saying, not even his tone, but i could see that one side of his mouth was starting to go numb and then it was like he was reliving his stroke again while saying whatever it was he needed to say to the audience. Then he backed up and started rolling all over the stage without direction. It was obvious he was losing control of his mind and body slowly while watching him. His wheelchair took him behind the curtain back and forth a few times, and then headed stage right toward these stairs. He didn't stop though. His chair reached the top of the 6 stairs, stopped and dumped him on his face onto the floor. The crowd erupted with a mixture of laughter and covered faces, but all were enjoying the scene. One stage hand tried to help him back up to his chair but after 2 seconds of looking at him on the floor and realizing she couldn't do anything, she kind of rolled her eyes and walked away. I just remember seeing moving crowd shots of the audience going nuts and have such a great time while replaying shots of my grandfather face planting off the stage in the middle of a stroke.

It was then that i was suddenly there with him and all i could think to do was turn to the crowd and scream at the top of my lungs at them. It was obvious there was no help to be found and i couldn't forgive these people for reacting the way they were. They were laughing at my helpless grandfather who i hadn't seen in years and i was useless, trying to look through tears and anger.

That's when i woke up. And that's how i had to start this Friday the 13th.

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